My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You can't motorboat a personality
Operation Purity has been aborted
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
