a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
