I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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