just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
