Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
