You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
