I hate your face
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
