Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
