she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
