why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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