I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
