Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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