Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
