4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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