Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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