If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
