your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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