thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
