the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
