Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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