There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
