im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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