I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
