i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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