what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
