idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
