Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
