omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
All the doctor said was why
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
