yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
