then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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