so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the day after is always just damage control
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
