I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
