did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
