I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
