You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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