I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
