I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
