We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
