I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
