my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
