I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How external is "for external use only"?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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