Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
