Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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