he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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