A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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