Redeem this text for a blowjob
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
