Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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