Betty ford says i'm here all night
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
