It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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