Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
then he tried to convert me to islam
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
