Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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