So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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