you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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