he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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