Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
where are you?
Hypothermia
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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