You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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