the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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