It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
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You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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