also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
This toilet bowl is my home.
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