Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
