that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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