i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
