Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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