apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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