he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
