friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
