I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
