I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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