I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
