Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
