just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We left the knife in your bed.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
