Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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