you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
