things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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