My cat gives me a boner
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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