Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We are two peas in an std pod
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
