Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
