Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
