dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
