I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
