honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
