there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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