): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
