Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
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Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt