I wanna passion pit in your ass
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
