my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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