So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
sex in a hospital.. check
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
