marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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