she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
