Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
