Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
