Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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