i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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